For the gifts and calling of God are without repentance. Romans 11:29
Awhile back I asked my mentor what she thought about me adding some Christian success tips to my writings. She gave me some sound wisdom and some things to think about then she said, “…you could focus on making this your goal for your business.”
For some reason that excited me and then within the next hour, I started crying as it dawned on me that I’ve been here before- many years ago. And the thought floated into my mind, “the gifts and callings of God are without repentance.”
I had a Christian Success blog for women; I remember it having a fair amount of traffic. I complained in my journal written back in 2010 that I only had 20 subscribers, which looking back on it was pretty miraculous since I had no clue what I was doing, although I was listening to the podcasts of the woman whom I now consider to be my mentor.
Anyway, I was going along, doing life when out of the blue, a pastor contacted me. Gregg saw my blog and said he liked what I was doing with it. It led to me being offered a job at the church where he and his wife were the new pastors. I excitedly said, “yes” and my new adventure begin. That was where I learned how a church functioned from the inside out. I saw the challenges encountered not only by the pastors but by the other ministry leaders as well.
One of the things I was asked to do was to create the weekly bulletin, and take care of the website (or did I just volunteer to do it? I don’t remember). My first attempts at creating banners for the website were pathetic. I made a lot of blunders, including using copyrighted images. But this was where I discovered my love for graphic design and digital art. I spent all my spare time learning the ins and outs of graphic design, watching tutorials, reading books.
But… life got busy. Really busy. Not only was I trying do the job I’d been given but I also saw other things that needed to be done at the church and started trying “to do it all.” I guess I thought I was superwoman (and thought I was far more important than I actually was). I paid no attention to anyone who tried to tell me otherwise. At the same time, I was trying to homeschool my two children and be a wife to my husband. I’m sorry to say, I failed miserably at both. And I was no longer enjoying life. I dragged myself from one project to the next, trying to make it work.
Another issue that came into play was that I am a real introvert at heart which means, I need a lot of room to breathe, a lot of time to myself which was no longer possible. I felt mentally and physically exhausted and I wasn’t very kind to the people around me.
Of course I was no longer posting to my blog. I’d quit that for over a year ago. I let the hosting expire on my site and I didn’t care. I remember Pastor Gregg asking me, “What happened to your blog?”
I said, “I let it go.” He didn’t say anything, but he looked sad. I tried to joke about it, but he didn’t laugh and neither did I.
Thinking back on that time, I made so many mistakes, so many poor decisions in how I handled things. I can’t waste my time fretting over it, but I resolved that if I ever see the pastor and his wife again, I owe them a big apology.